I wake up every morning with cold sweats, thinking about what I’d do if my favourite artists released music I hate.
In no way do I think this is a hyperbolic reaction. My therapist says that I can’t get caught up in future potential catastrophes, but if there’s one thing that the huge earthquake survival kit in my house has taught me, it’s that you can never be too prepared.
I’ve been there – I know the pain. After being hyped up for years waiting for a new album from the one artist who defined your high school experience, after reblogging multiple Tumblr posts demanding new music, the new music arrives… and you hate it. You hate it even after listening to it the tenth time hoping that it’s just something that “grows on you”. So here’s the emergency survival kit for when that happens:
1. Take your headphones off and stare at the ceiling. Count all the weird cracks on the ceiling and write some sadboy Soundcloud rap about how those cracks on the ceiling reflect the utter heartbreak you’re going through right now.
2. Release said track onto Soundcloud, only to get zero listens. Lament how hard it is to make it in the music scene. Not everyone can be JUICE WRLD.
3. Briefly gain some empathetic insight to the band that broke your heart: maybe this was the sound that they believed to reflect them best at this time in their career.
4. Shove that empathy and perspective into a dark corner of the closet. They don’t deserve your pity.
5. Late at night, while drunk off kombucha (you’ve really let yourself go), lose all self-control you have and read Pitchfork’s review on the album that broke your heart. What?? Pitchfork said it was better than their old sound? How dare they think they know the band better than you do!!
6. Drink some more kombucha. Drown your sorrows with it.
7. One day, when you tell yourself that time heals all for the 3000thtime, you’ll actually start to believe yourself. You’ll realize that bands change and grow, just like how you change and grow yourself.
8. Be so grateful that music can affect you as deeply and personally as it does.